Are you gaslighting yourself?
How to spot the signs 🔍
Everyone has an inner critic. It can be annoying, frustrating, and even upsetting.
But because your inner critic’s narrative happens inside your own head, it can be really easy to dismiss its impact on your life, or minimise the pain it inflicts.
This is why we’re all about externalising its narrative. Because when you recognise that your inner critic is a specific voice—a part, but not the whole of you—you can start to take away its power.
If you’re trying to make a practice of this, it can be helpful to imagine how you would feel if a friend or someone you know treated you like your inner critic treats you. Chances are, you’d be pretty horrified and outraged, right?
When you think of it like this, you might realise that your inner critic is engaging in some pretty sh*tty behaviour that you wouldn’t put up with from someone else—like gaslighting.
What is gaslighting?
The term ‘gaslighting’ has fully inserted itself into modern discourse, so you’re probably already familiar with what it is.
But just so we’re clear, here’s the dictionary definition:
gas·light·ing (noun) : psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that usually occurs in romantic relationships, but it can also happen in dysfunctional friendships or family dynamics.
You can also gaslight yourself. Or rather, your inner critic can gaslight you.
It’s worth saying that victims of gaslighting often internalise their abuser’s behaviour. If you think you’ve been gaslit or know someone who has, you may find it helpful to talk to a mental health professional.
However, self-gaslighting can also occur if you have a loud inner critic.
4 signs your inner critic is gaslighting you
Signs of a gaslighting inner critic are pretty similar to signs of a gaslighting person. But when it’s tied up in your internal narrative, it can be harder to spot.
Here are four of the most common ways your inner critic can gaslight you:
1. Defending or excusing people who treat you badly
What your inner critic tells you:
"You deserved it","You don't make it easy for them to open up", “You're not trying hard enough"
2. Invalidating your feelings
What your inner critic tells you:
"You're being too sensitive", "It's not that big a deal", "You're exaggerating"
3. Coulda, woulda, shoulda
What your inner critic tells you:
"If only you'd done a better job, they wouldn't have fired you", "They wouldn't have broken up with you if you'd been less dramatic", "You should have studied medicine like your parents told you to"
4. Second-guessing your decisions
What your inner critic tells you:
"Do you really want to wear that?", "Won't they think you're stupid?", "Are you qualified enough for that job?"
If you struggle with self-gaslighting, learning to understand and manage your inner critic can help. We’re always sharing psychology-based tips at F*ck Off Russell, so make sure to follow us on Instagram…
…and subscribe to this newsletter if you haven’t already.
When you need an effective and immediate way to shut down a gaslighting inner critic, affirmations can help counter its narrative and dial up the volume of your inner kindness.
6 affirmations for self-gaslighting
Feel like your inner critic is gaslighting you? Here are some affirmations you can use to challenge what it’s saying.
My emotions are valid.
I have a right to express my feelings and I deserve to be treated with respect.
I have plenty of evidence that what you’re saying isn't true.
I am always enough, just as I am.
I trust my intuition and judgment. I know how this makes me feel.
Just because someone is having a bad day, it doesn't mean they can treat me unkindly. I can be compassionate without compromising my boundaries and needs.
You can repeat these affirmations to yourself (in your head or out loud) when your inner critic pops up, or you could try journaling—sometimes, writing affirmations down on the page makes them stick.
After reading this post, do you think you’ve experienced self-gaslighting? Has it shifted your perspective to think about your inner critic in this way? We’d love to hear from you in the comments, or you can send us a DM on Insta.
Remember, the first step is to spot when your inner critic is gaslighting you. Notice what it's saying, and what tends to trigger it.
Once you've cultivated this self-awareness, you can start to rewrite the script.