Things we've learned about dating in our 20s

Life lessons from Team Fuck Off Russell

Feb 01, 2023

There’s nothing like a heavily commercialised holiday to make you spiral about your love life. We may have only just made it through Christmas (and all those intrusive questions from nosy relatives), but Valentine’s Day and its corresponding crises are fast approaching.

Whether you’re single, in the early stages of dating someone, or in a long term relationship, Valentine’s Day comes with all sorts of pressures.

We’re a team of three women who have been through it all when it comes to dating and relationships (anxious attachment styles, represent 🙋).

So if you’re feeling any type of way, we thought we’d share some helpful lessons that we’ve learned in our 20s.

7 things we’ve learned about dating in our 20s

1. Your attachment style will affect what your inner critic says to you.

If you haven’t yet learned what attachment style you are, now’s a good time to start.

There are four main attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganised and secure. Much like the inner critic, these are shaped in childhood and affect our relationships in adult life.

Your attachment style will directly impact what your inner critic says to you. Let’s say you’re anxious, your inner critic will likely tell you “they’re not texting back because they’re not interested” or “they don’t really mean it when they say they love me”. It’s worth being aware of this, as it can get in the way of genuinely healthy connections.

2. But sometimes your inner critic is trying to protect you.

Having said this, your inner critic always has an underlying intention that’s trying to help you. Sometimes, those red flags are real and it’s worth listening to your instincts.

3. A lot of the time, it really is about them.

That whole “it’s not you, it’s me” cliché is a cliché for a reason—it’s true. If someone doesn’t want to pursue things with you, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. If something is holding them back from being in a relationship, they won’t be able to give you what you need. By telling you that, they’re doing you a favour.

4. If it’s the right person at the wrong time, they’re just the wrong person.

Another cliché, except this one is a myth. Believing that things could work out if only X was different or Y didn’t happen can keep us clinging on to something for far longer than we should.

5. Wanting a relationship doesn’t make you desperate.

Yes, it’s important to work on the relationship you have with yourself. But there’s nothing wrong with desperately wanting a relationship. It’s human to seek love and connection, so if you ever get sad about being single or find the whole ‘dating yourself’ thing hard, that’s OK.

6. Your worth doesn’t come from being in a relationship.

At the same time, try to remember that a relationship isn’t the solution to all your problems, and it definitely doesn’t define your worth as a person. You are whole just as you are. If someone great comes along, that’s lovely, but you’ll still be the same (fabulous) person you are today.

7. Don’t only rely on romantic relationships for meaningful connections.

Whether it’s friendships, family, colleagues or pets, romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that give us love, joy and fulfilment. So why not use Valentine’s Day to celebrate all the loves of your life?

Whether you’re in your 20s or your 60s, what are the biggest lessons you’ve learned about love, dating and relationships?

We’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Fuck Off Russell