How to set boundaries with your inner critic
Because if you can't set boundaries with yourself...
…how in the hell are you going to set boundaries with someone else?
We don’t know who needs to hear this, but that negative voice in your head telling you you’re not good enough, you’re going to fail or everyone thinks you’re stupid? You don’t have to listen to it.
You’ve probably heard a lot about the importance of setting ~boundaries~ in relationships, whether with family, friends or lovers. Yet rarely do we talk about setting boundaries in the most important relationship of them all: the one we have with ourselves.
In the same way that you might not cast off a flaky friend, but could set boundaries around making plans, this isn’t about getting rid of your inner critic. Instead, it’s about improving your relationship with it.
So let’s dive into our 3-step strategy for setting boundaries with your inner critic, which you can use whenever it shows up.
How to set boundaries with your inner critic in 3 steps
Step 1
Firstly, notice when it’s around. Pay attention to feelings of inadequacy and when they show up. Is it in a meeting with your boss? Counting your matches on a dating app? Looking at the person next yo you in a gym class? Keep track of when that critical voice is at its loudest.
Step 2
Then, try to make a habit of being objective about what that voice is saying. Whenever your inner critic shows up, stop, take a deep breath, and try writing down the things it is saying to you. Seeing it on paper can really help put things in perspective.
Step 3
Once you’ve done this, separate the fact from the fiction. Think about all the things that contradict what your inner critic is saying. For example, if it’s saying you’re crap at your job or terrible at adulting, present it with proof that this isn’t true. Maybe you had some good feedback at work, or ticked everything off your to-do list last week. Give yourself some credit!
Remember, practice doesn’t need to make perfect.
Make a habit of following this 3-step method whenever your inner critic shows up, and over time, you’ll strengthen those boundaries.
As we said at the beginning of this post, it’s not about getting rid of your inner critic entirely. Instead, it’s about learning to have conversations with it.
Check out this post on making friends with your inner critic to learn a little more about what we mean by this.
How do you set boundaries with your inner critic?
When have you noticed your inner critic showing up and how do you establish boundaries with it? We’d love to hear your experiences in the comments.
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